Week 17.


It's been a while since I have written. A lot has been going on for me in the last few months. As you may know from our newsletter, I have made a pretty big decision to leave my job as a veterinarian.

If I’m honest, this has been a decision a long time coming. Its just taking me a long time to admit it to myself. After studying for so long and dedicating so much of my time to this career, it seems radical to leave it and pursue something completely different. Many people have said to me, “but you did all that work?”, “it will be a waste”. These are the two biggest comments that have fed my fear of actually taking this step. Because they are, to an extent true. I did do all that work and it is something I am good at. 
However, for the last few months (and if I’m honest few years) I have not been myself. I have been snappy, had constant feelings of worthlessness, been sleeping all the time, finding menial tasks really hard etc. The amount of times I have spontaneously cried at ads and podcasts is getting a bit unreal. I wasn’t happy. One of the biggest drivers of this unhappiness has been my job. 
After doing our first outdoor workshop, I came home with so much energy and drive. Something that I haven’t felt in my entire career as a vet. I then went back to work the following week and I came home on Monday night and Oscar said to me - "you know I really enjoyed fun Nell, I haven’t seen her for a while. I like grumpy Nell too but it was nice to have fun Nell here for a second.” For me it was like a switch went on. My happiness and emotional wellbeing is so important, and if this job is making me this unhappy I need to make a change.
I’m still not feeling fantastic and its taking work, but I feel so set and comfortable in this decision. Yes I did "all that work", but I learnt so much from that experience that is invaluable and I will take forward. 
We have been working hard on BearMade over the last couple of years and it's really exciting that I am able to take this opportunity and move away from being a vet, towards something that I am really passionate about!

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